How to Deal With Burnout in Caring for a Mentally ill Loved One

Caring for a loved one who has a mental illness, such as bipolar disorder or ADHD, is very difficult. Caregivers' responsibilities can be exhausting and overwhelming. Although caring for a loved one who requires your support can help them with their mental health struggles, it can also cause caregiver burnout if you take on more than you can reasonably handle. Burnout is defined as trying to do more than one is capable of doing and shifting from a positive, helpful attitude to an apathetic, negative one. Caregiver burnout is real, and it can cause serious physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion. It usually occurs when a person ignores their own physical and emotional health to care for an unwell loved one.

Caregiver burnout vs. compassion fatigue

Caregiver stress frequently manifests itself in two stages: compassion fatigue and caregiver burnout, and these two share many of the symptoms and causes. You might have probably heard of caregiver burnout as a caregiver but might be unaware of how the two conditions differ.

Compassion fatigue refers to the physical, emotional, and psychological consequences of providing support to others, usually in stressful or traumatic situations. Caregiver burnout is commonly mistaken with compassion fatigue, which is a cumulative feeling of dissatisfaction and exhaustion.

The main distinction between caregiver burnout and compassion fatigue is related to apathy. Compassion fatigue is distinct from burnout in that it causes caregivers to lose empathy for those in their care. This is an important distinction to make because most family caregivers support their loved ones and do so out of love.

Caregivers suffering from burnout can still empathize despite their weakened state, whereas caregivers suffering from compassion fatigue struggle to do so. A sudden shift in emotional behavior can also characterize compassion fatigue. On the other hand, compassion burnout has been proven to be a progressive condition that develops over time.

Signs and symptoms of caregiver burnout

If you’re caring for a mentally ill loved one, you will have a personal relationship with the mentally ill individual, unlike a paid healthcare worker. This also means that while caring for your loved one may be extremely rewarding, it can also be draining, stressful, and emotionally, physically, and mentally taxing. Unlike a paid healthcare worker, you might find that it isn’t easy to separate your duties and emotions from the relationship.

Caregivers who are under a lot of stress may experience fatigue, anxiety, and depression. Usually, before caregiver burnout occurs, there are warning signs. Being aware of these signs allows you to make appropriate changes and help you figure out when it is necessary to take action to manage or prevent the stress from getting progressively worse.

If you have any of the following symptoms, you may be suffering from caregiver burnout:

• Feeling depressed
• Getting too much or too little sleep
• Physical and emotional exhaustion
• Quickly becoming irritated or angry
• Finding yourself putting on or losing weight
• Loss of interest in activities you previously enjoyed
• You may be feeling hopeless, isolated, and trapped
• Feeling overwhelmed or constantly worried all the time
• Being overly emotional, crying, or feeling emotionally numb
• Being addicted to alcohol or drugs, including prescription medications
• Experiencing frequent headaches, bodily pain, or other physical issues

Causes of caregiver burnout

Relationships, while rewarding, tend to be challenging even under the best situations. When one of your family members or your partner suffers from a mental health condition, the situation can become much more complicated. Often, the family member or spouse who cares for their mentally ill loved one will take on great responsibilities to help their loved one get better and cope with their mental health, causing the caregiver to feel overly burdened or burned out.

Caregiver burnout can be caused by a number of factors, including:

• Communication difficulties: Many patients suffering from mental health conditions have little motivation to communicate. They may lack the self-assurance to voice their demands and desires. Certain mental health patients may suffer hallucinations as a symptom of their condition. This can be especially hard for a caregiver and can put a strain on the relationship between the caregiver and their loved one.
• Financial difficulties: Additional expenditures incurred as a result of caring for the mental health patient and their treatment can also cause financial strain on the carer.
• Lack of control: Many caregivers might feel they have little control over their situation as they lack the money, resources, or skills to adequately plan, manage, and arrange their loved one's care.
• Lack of resources: Another reason for burnout is a lack of resources. As a caregiver, it can feel upsetting to be unable to afford therapy or medication for a loved one. The caregiver might also not have access to adequate professional help, which can make it very difficult to deal with everything on their own.
• Unrealistic expectations: Some caregivers might believe that their support and love alone will improve the patient's health and condition. This may be an unrealistic and impractical expectation for those who have major mental health issues.
• Minimal social interaction: Primary caregivers typically devote more time to their loved ones than they do to pursuing fun activities such as attending social gatherings with friends. As a caregiver, it’s crucial to spend time away from the mentally ill individual and spend time with your friends, go to social occasions, and engage in social activities that will help you rejuvenate so you can better assist your loved one.
• Uncertainty: Feelings of uncertainty and fear are common when it comes to caring for a loved one suffering from a mental illness, and this can be very draining for caregivers. You may be constantly anxious about your loved one's future, wondering if his or her mental health will improve or deteriorate. Uncertainty can be harmful to one's mental, physical, and emotional health. It can help to educate yourself about your loved one's condition; this will help you avoid having unrealistic expectations.
• Taking no time off: Taking breaks is essential for caregivers, no matter how long or short they are. Not taking time off can easily result in burnout. That’s why it’s important to schedule regular days off or even take a much-needed vacation if you can afford it. If you can enlist the assistance of other family members to keep an eye on your loved one while you are away, even better.

Avoiding caregiver burnout

The key to preventing burnout is to take small steps to rebalance your life. The better you take care of your own needs, the more physically, psychologically, and emotionally available you will be to assist the person for whom you are caring.

• Keep your boundaries clear: Everyone's boundaries and limitations are different, and each relationship is too. That’s why it can be important to keep your boundaries clear and remember that it’s completely fine to say 'no.' sometimes, especially when you feel something is out of your depth. Speaking with a psychologist or therapist can help reframe the negative feelings that can arise from carer burnout, and they may help you shift your perspective as you adapt to your role.
• Avoid becoming their therapist: If your loved one is mentally ill and relies on you for too much emotional support, don’t fall into the trap of taking on the role of their therapist. It is important to remember that, apart from educating yourself on how to help your loved one best, you do not have the authority or the educational background to act as their therapist.
• Avoid neglecting self-care: When confronted with the number of obligations that come with being a caretaker, it's critical to remember to take care of yourself. When you ignore your own needs, both you and your loved one suffer.
• Seek help from trustworthy relatives, friends, and neighbors: If you can, it can be very helpful to unburden some responsibilities by seeking assistance from relatives and friends.
• Determine what you have control over and what you do not: Attempting to change situations you have no control over will add to your frustrations as a caregiver. Instead, accept what you can't change and then ask yourself, "What do I have control over?" and focus on that.
• Empower yourself: Attitude is important, and an empowered mindset can help you avoid caregiver burnout. Empowerment involves taking control of your situation and developing the courage to face the obstacles that come with your role. For example, celebrating small accomplishments might make you feel more empowered. No matter how minor their impact may appear at times, your efforts and support are something to be proud of.
• Accept the situation: When confronted with the unfairness of a loved one's condition or the difficulty of caregiving, you might find yourself asking, "Why me?" Not only can this attitude lead to despair, but you can waste a lot of energy obsessing on things you can't change and for which there are no clear solutions. Not being able to accept your situation, while completely normal, won't make you feel better at the end of the day. Avoid getting caught up in the emotional trap of feeling sorry for yourself. Instead, recognize that despite whatever resentments or frustrations you may be having, you have made a purposeful decision to offer your care. Concentrate on the rewarding aspects of your decision.
• Applaud yourself for your efforts: If you aren't receiving external validation, look for ways to recognize and reward your achievements as a caregiver. Keep reminding yourself of how much you have been able to do for your loved one. For something more concrete, consider writing a list of all the ways your caregiving makes a difference in the lives of those you care for.
• Take a break: If you are a caretaker with a demanding schedule, you may feel that personal time is out of reach. But it’s quite essential to take a break for personal time, both for your benefit and for the benefit of the person you are providing care for. It’s important to block out time for activities that you find enjoyable. If you don't take frequent breaks to de-stress and recharge your batteries, you'll find that you can do more harm than good without periods of rejuvenation. You will feel more refreshed after taking a break from your caregiver duties.
• Ask for help: It might be quite difficult to ask for or accept help from others. Learning how to say "yes" when others offer their support can assist you in managing care for your loved one, especially if that help comes from health care professionals. It is not a sign of weakness to admit that you cannot do everything on your own. Sometimes seeking professional help can go a long way in helping your loved one deal with their mental health condition.

When someone you love is diagnosed with a major mental illness, it is common for the dynamics of your relationship to change as you care for them. Caregiver burnout is common, and without the necessary support, it can have adverse effects on the relationship between the carer and the one being cared for; that’s why it’s so important to be able to recognize the symptoms and the causes behind burnout so that you can deal with them adequately if they arise. Not only will your relationship with your loved one improve, but you will also be able to lead a more balanced life, one where you can ensure a healthier and happier life for you and your loved one.