Overcoming People-Pleasing: How Residential Mental Health Treatment Can Help

We all want the people around us to be happy, but for people-pleasers, it can be an issue that negatively impacts their own well-being. By constantly pouring their energy into maintaining other people’s happiness, people pleasers can end up neglecting their own needs, and their mental health can suffer as a result. Individuals who engage in people-pleasing behaviors are at an increased risk of depression, emotional exhaustion, and even identity confusion.

People-pleasing is often rooted in childhood experiences, which can make it difficult to break patterns on your own. If you need help ending people-pleasing, don’t hesitate to reach out to our team at Jackson House. Our residential mental health treatment program can help identify the root cause of people-pleasing, as well as provide practical tips for ending the cycle of people-pleasing behavior.

What Is People-Pleasing?

People-pleasing is when someone routinely puts the needs and well-being of other people ahead of their own. It goes beyond simply being nice. To people pleasers, doing kind or helpful things is a way of getting others to like or accept them. For example, you might agree to run a time-consuming errand for a friend—not because you really want to but because you believe that doing so will make them like you more. 

By seeking this validation, people pleasers often put their own needs to the side, resulting in an increased risk of mental health challenges.

Some common signs of people-pleasing include:

• Avoiding expressing your own needs
• Feeling responsible for the well-being of others
• Finding it hard to say “no” to requests, even if it causes you stress or discomfort
• Measuring your self-worth by the approval of others
• Shying away from conflict at all costs

How People-Pleasing Harms Your Mental Health 

People-pleasing can make the people around you feel good, but it comes at a price. By pouring their energy into ensuring others are happy, people pleasers often neglect their own needs. Looking after yourself is hard when you spend so much time managing other people’s happiness.

Let’s explore some of the consequences of people-pleasing.

Chronic stress and anxiety

Constantly worrying about meeting other people’s expectations and seeking their approval can result in chronic stress and anxiety.

Low self-esteem

People pleasers rely on external validation for their own self-worth, resulting in low self-esteem, especially when that validation is taken away.

Burnout and exhaustion

Continually prioritizing other people’s happiness leaves little time for you to rest, recharge, and be your authentic self. Over time, this can lead to physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion.

Resentment and suppressed emotions

People pleasers struggle to express their true feelings and needs, earnestly believing that other people will disapprove if they do. Over time, this can lead to resentment that their needs are not being met. 

Why Is It So Hard to Stop People Pleasing?

Recognizing that you’re a people-pleaser doesn’t necessarily make it easy to stop engaging in that type of behavior. 

People-pleasing tendencies tend to have their roots in childhood experiences, past trauma, or a desire to be liked. 

For example, if you grew up with overly critical parents, you may have developed people-pleasing habits as a way to win your parents' approval. People-pleasing is also common among individuals who grew up in households where conflict was commonplace since they were always trying to keep the peace and make everyone happy.

People-pleasing habits can develop outside of the household, too. For instance, if you were socially excluded at school as a child, you may become a people-pleaser later in life to attract and keep friends.

The inclination to do things for others is supported by societal expectations, which generally encourage people to be agreeable and accommodating. But for a people-pleaser, doing things for others isn’t about offering genuine kindness. It’s about experiencing a sense of belonging. It’s the fear of rejection that guides a people-pleaser’s actions, not altruism.

Over time, people-pleasing habits become second nature, which can make it difficult to stop. It can also become a more significant part of an individual’s personality as time goes on. By seeking external validation, a people-pleaser's sense of self-worth continues to degrade, which in turn leads to them people-please even more. 

How Residential Mental Health Treatment Helps End People-Pleasing

People pleasers strengthen the neural pathway that encourages them to act in this way every time they engage in the behavior. If you have been engaging in people-pleasing since childhood, it might seem impossible to stop.

Residential mental health treatment offers a wide range of solutions that can help you break the habit. Here are just some of the ways that Jackson House can help:

Therapeutic support

Ending people-pleasing becomes much easier when you understand what’s causing it. We provide individual and group therapy that can help you get to the root of your people-pleasing tendencies. 

Boundary-setting skills

People pleasers find it difficult to set boundaries, including saying “no.” At Jackson House, we teach clients the skills they need to set boundaries without feeling guilty.

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)

Cognitive behavioral therapy helps people pleasers to restructure the negative thought patterns that guide their behavior. For example, it can change the core belief that your value is tied to how others see you. 

Self-worth and confidence-building

People pleasers often engage in behaviors that negatively impact their self-esteem. At Jackson House, we help our patients develop the self-worth and confidence they need to move beyond seeking external validation. 

Supportive environment

It takes courage to overcome people-pleasing. At Jackson House, we provide a safe, judgment-free space where you can practice assertiveness and get a handle on your people-pleasing habits. 

Find a Residential Mental Health Treatment Center Near You

If you believe you’re a people-pleaser and would like help on your journey toward self-confidence and emotional well-being, contact our team at Jackson House. From our luxury residential mental health treatment centers in California and Oregon, we provide the support you need to identify the cause of your people-pleasing and make lasting changes.